Making Female Friends

Now that I'm happily married and I no longer have to worry about how to deal with dating, I found a new problem has arisen: making female friends. It's like I'm back at the dating stage only it's with girls instead of guys and instead of hashing with my roommates, I'm hashing with my husband.

Typical Conversation at my house:

"She said to call her sometime this week," I say to my hubby as I unload sippies from the dishwasher. "When should I call her? Is today too early?"

"Call her," says my husband, sweeping the floor.

"But will that look too stalkerish, if I call her the day after she says to call?"

"No. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you." He bends to sweep up the pile.

"I just don't want to appear over-anxious and therefore needy. Nothing scares away friends more than needy."

He empties the dustpan into the trash, banging it on the side to make sure it all comes out. "She's probably needy, too. That's why she told you to call."

"Do you think she likes me?" He's heard this question fifteen times, already.

"If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have told you to call."

"Should I invite her to do something? Or is it too early in the friendship? I don't want to blow this."

"Invite her to the park. Then your kids can play and you two can talk."

"Okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to give her a call." I pause holding the phone. "Will you call for me?"

I'm probably thinking about this since a large chunk of my friends are moving this summer. Their husbands done with schooling, they are moving on to bigger and greener pastures, the green meaning actually making some! For the last few years I've been in my little comfort zone of friends, ones I can call in the middle of the night for babysitting, ones I borrow stuff from, friends of my kids. I'm going to have to proactive in making new friends this summer. I hope my husband can handle it!


  1. So I went for a walk when Scott went to his meeting last night. A LONG walk, because I had already done a bunch of housework and I just didn't feel like reading (so rare for me). I thought I should call someone, but then I thought, who? I don't call people when I'm bored to hang out, that's what I did in high school. I already found this to be a problem during the summer when I'd be home from college and my other friends were not. At least the summer ends, this is just life, I guess it's going to end, but not for a LONG time hopefully. I never want to call people with kids because I assume they are busy, and I don't have kids for their kids to play with anyway. Maybe I should have some kids, then I'd have friends, but that just sounds pathetic =) You are right, it's harder to make girlfriends when you are older!

  2. I totally get it and have been thinking the same thing. Isn't it funny? I love that you wrote this.

  3. @Christine:
    You can ALWAYS call us. We were sitting outside, just hanging out, you must not have walked by my house. I'm so afraid to call people too because they have busy lives and then I look like the loser with nothing to do!

    @Amber (I'm guessing that's you!) It is hard! I liked it when I had roommates to be built in friends. So much easier! Well, and of course, my sister. If only she lived here!

  4. I can totally relate! I have a lot of friends moving away this summer, and a couple close friends leaving in winter. I constantly have to remind myself that no one is going to think I'm rude for inviting them to do things.

  5. Alysa--I'm totally in denial! Went and said goodbye today to some really close friends. *Sigh* Long nasty summer.

  6. This is from Kate Weber.
    Not sure why it won't let me, but I can't comment on your other blog. I thought I'd just put it on here. :0)
    Call. No matter what, its always nice to know someone is thinking of you. AND in they are really that busy, then they won't answer or they will let you know that its not a good time. Call with the intention of being brief but with a purpose (like inviting them to a park the next day) and if it turns into a conversation, great! I find myself really busy these days and I'm not a great phone person, but I love to get an invitation to do ANYTHING! Try not to think about it too much!

  7. I think that's good advice Katie. I like it when people call, it makes me feel loved :)


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