For the Criminally Inane

My sister is in the middle of house hunting this spring.  And as I listen to her talk about the pros and cons of each property she visits, I can't help but think:  House hunting is like spouse hunting! Similarities No one/no property is perfect.  Each house she looked at had some good qualities--great view, good locations, perfect master suite, wood floors.  But each of them had some flaws too--no garage, yard wasn't landscaped, needs updated electrical, new roof needed!  When we are dating, each of us date "potential properties."  Each of us has our own strengths--has a great sense of humor, likes children, is responsible.  But in turn, each of us also has our own weaknesses too--always late, critical of others, has "questionable" family members. Each pro and con should be examined before greater commitment. For example, wood floors are beautiful but require a lot more care, shows dints and scratches and are damaged easily by water.  Founda...

It's official!  My husband will be done with school.  We shall have to pass into that uncharted world of Job Searching. Job searching.  Sending out feelers, doing research, writing a CV, interviewing, looking and trying to show my best self.  Hm....this reminds me of something I've done before.  That's right!  Dating! Phase one: Sending out feelers In the dating world, whether you're fresh set of legs at a new school or just off a painful breakup, you have to do this initial step to form a relationship.  Seeding out the feelers is telling the world you're available.  That means you go to parties, you smile, you remember that hottie's name from your biology class. Phase two: Doing research (aka stalking) In this age of Google, Twitter and Facebook, you bet employers are doing background research on prospective employees and so should you!  Anybody in your dating pool is fair game for stalking.  Facebook, what a great invention f...

I was talking to a friend of mine who asked me to give him recommendations for a Valentine's Gift for his girlfriend of a few months. Honestly, I couldn't come up with a single good answer. Flowers die, jewelery is too generic (unless it's a ring with a huge rock on it), chocolate makes her fat. I know what I want, a clean house and not having to do it. Since I'm obviously not the typical romantic girl (I like getting power tools), I decided to compile a list of the cheesiest Valentine's Day gifts you could give. Feel free to use any of these ideas. Lighter fluid and a card that says "Baby, you light my fire." Perfume (It says: I think you stink, you should smell like Paris Hilton instead) Un-mild Salsa (then you can call her hot lips) Matches (for next year, maybe she won't remember the lighter fluid from this year) Music with cheesy love songs: Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You," and "Nothing's Going To Stop Us Now...

Since I am 110% sure that none of my single guy friends read this blog, this post will be utterly wasted. But I have to talk about something that not very many guys are aware of. Here is my little nugget of womanly wisdom: Girls want mystery. While they may say they want honesty, forthrightness in a man, what they really wants is to be driven mad playing "He-loves-me, he-loves-me-not" with a daisy. Careful, it's a delicate balance between putting a girl off and inviting her to stay interested. See, most of the guys I know are too cut and dry, black and white. If he likes a girl, he lets her know, obviously, blatantly, and then wonders why she's running away. She can't possibly know at this point whether she even likes him or not, but she's turned off because of potential relationship overload. Instead he needs to entice, intrigue and ignore--yes, I said ignore--not too much, mind you, just enough to keep her interested. Guys, if you can master this, uh,...

I've been thinking about the dating relationship again, I think because, as I have mentioned before, I have several friends in the dating stage of life. What a great stage! So full of possibilities, but so many choices. But when it comes to making decisions of whom to marry, it can be daunting. If you are lucky, there are so many good choices out there. Shifting through the better and best choices can be like navigating through Costco on a Saturday afternoon, painful but necessary. There are some obviously bad choices. Those make life easy. I dated a guy who repeatedly called me fat. (In case you don't know I weigh 116 dripping wet--that's pounds not kilos!) That one, I let go without so much as a tear or a sniffle. But I dated some really awesome guys. One had chrome skull gear shifts in his custom souped up Nissan pick up truck he used for "roading" and turning "broadies."* He was a TON of fun!! He listened to Metallica and was reading the...

So, I've made an observation. Beautiful people have easier lives. They do. There have been studies I learned about in my college edjemacation that talk about how people think better of people who are good looking. They think they are kinder, nicer, and beautiful people enjoy special perks--essentially people want to be friends with beautiful people. (I know this anecdotally, too, because I'm married to one of these blessed people who gets away with murder because he's good looking.) As much as we hate to admit it, we judge people based on heuristics. So, what do the rest of us "unattractive" or let's say less-attractive people have to offer? Growing up, since I couldn't make friends on my good looks alone, yep, you guessed it, I had to actually develop a personality. Now, I have to rely on my sparkly wit to win friendships. So when life hands you a beautiful face, just remember the rest of us have found other ways to get noticed, and that makes u...

This is such a mystifying question for all of us, but especially to nice guys who stand by while girls go for unworthy men: Why do girls date jerky men? I have few theories. First, girls mistake arrogance for confidence. Jerky guys seem to ooze this self-awareness that nice guys don't tend to have. Bu the problem is, these jerky guys are usually self-centered, large-egoed guys who are looking for someone to fulfill his agenda. Second, bad boys are exciting, unpredictable, intriguing. Girls like a puzzle. If you are too easy to read, it's not a challenge. Third, one reader pointed out that girls like guys that need to be reformed. Blame "Grease" for that. Guess what, most guys aren't going to change for you, honey. Fourth, sometimes the bad boys aren't afraid to make a move, like ask a girl out. While the nice guys debate, hem and haw, the bad guys figure they don't have anything to loose and take a leap. For all their failings, bad guys have ...

Now that I'm happily married and I no longer have to worry about how to deal with dating, I found a new problem has arisen: making female friends. It's like I'm back at the dating stage only it's with girls instead of guys and instead of hashing with my roommates, I'm hashing with my husband. Typical Conversation at my house: "She said to call her sometime this week," I say to my hubby as I unload sippies from the dishwasher. "When should I call her? Is today too early?" "Call her," says my husband, sweeping the floor. "But will that look too stalkerish, if I call her the day after she says to call?" "No. I'm sure she'll be happy to hear from you." He bends to sweep up the pile. "I just don't want to appear over-anxious and therefore needy. Nothing scares away friends more than needy." He empties the dustpan into the trash, banging it on the side to make sure it all comes out. ...

So, I read this article stating five signs a relationship might be over because I love reading news about relationships, wondering if there is any truth to them. So I clicked on this article about the five signs and laughed. One of the signs it maybe be over is one of the partners losing weight and getting into shape. Why is that funny? Because for me, if this were true, my husband would worry every time I have a baby and obsess over loosing the baby weight. (#3 baby is one and I still have ten pounds to go!) It's not because I'm playing the field or even looking around. (I've been happily married almost 9 years now, and with three kids in tow--you don't leave that easily!) I just want to get my pre-baby body back! But maybe it's different for guys. Maybe I should worry when my husband folds down his Bowflex, and pumps up the bike tires in the morning. Is he trying to tone up for the next relationship? When he works out, I must say, he is one handsome...

Do women really find brooding, pouty-lipped men more attractive than a grinning guy? According to a study done in Canada, the research seems to suggest yes. Well, since I'm married to a man more like Tom Hanks than Robert Pattinson, I have to ask why? First off, the article says the test was done on initial reactions. At a first glance, who looks sexier, the grinning goof or the man who looks like he's been naughty? Some of the grinning goofs out there may be thinking this is the reason you aren't getting dates Friday nights. Before you don a frown and smouldering eyes, let's look at what they're really saying. What do people mean when they say sexual attractiveness Let's define sexual attractiveness as someone to fantasize about, not to have a real relationship with. Two totally different things. And let's be honest girls, do you really want a brooding man to drag you down. Imagine being married to a brooder: You: (Over OJ in the breakfast noo...