For the Criminally Inane

As gas hit four bucks a gallon today, I struggle to find a positive spin.  Then, I thought, maybe this will help me get skinny.  How?  Well, when gas prices go up, so does the price of everything else.  At my local farmer's market, I literally see them changing price tags as I shop.  Wow, that 5lb bag of apples was 5 bucks when I walked in and now is 6?  That's amazing.  When you are on a small budget, there are usually a good deal of fixed expenses, mortgage/rent, car payment, utilities etc.  There is one flexible expense and that is food.  We can either cut back on quantity or quality.  And make sacrifices.  We buy a smaller portion of pasta instead of going to Macaroni Grill. Both may trim us.  The other secret stores employ that help us keep fit, is to keep prices the same, but reduce the amount.  Remember when ice cream used to come in half gallon cartons?  No more.  You'll be hard pressed to find a half gal...

I heard a story the other night about a frog stuck in a rut in the middle of the road.  You know the kind made by heavy cars in a muddy lane.  His friend came by, saw that he was stuck and asked him, "Do you need help getting out of that rut?  It looks pretty deep."  The frog replied, "No, I'm fine."  The next day, the friend saw the frog out of the rut, by the side of the road and said, "How did you get out of the rut?"  The frog said, "Oh, there was a car coming so I jumped out." Sometimes, I know this is true of myself, we sit in a rut until it is absolutely necessary to get out.  So I'm trying to create a "life and death" situation to motivate me to get out of my rut.  Some ideas to get me out of a rut: Change my routine Take a risk Think of others Service Start a new hobby Stop procrastinating Call a friend Do something with a friend Teach a child (or someone else) a new skill Anyway, I'm just trying to ke...

Although this is a true story (I have witnesses!), I cannot verify the veracity of the comments or opinions of the people in this story. A few months after we were married, my husband and I were walking to school (we were both still undergrads).  I was wearing an okay outfit, sunglasses and a wide-brimmed straw sunhat.  Though September, the Arizona sun was still brutally unforgiving.  Anyway, I felt dorky wearing the sunhat around campus.  Nobody wore hats, except baseball caps, but I was tired of the radiant heat burning my face to a crisp.  So, I had this big grin on my face, feeling a little silly that I was wearing this huge hat in public, and to school no less!  Just as we reached campus, there was a group of boys lolling about, skateboards in hands.  Before passing, one of the guys said to us, "You are a lucky guy!"  My grin got only bigger.  I was sure those guys were teasing Rob, and I waited to hear riotous laughing as soon as we ...

So, my middle child is all registered for kindergarten.  We opted not to send him to preschool as he is one of those active, imaginative boys that probably needs more sunshine and dirt than letters and numbers.  But questions keep me up at night, like did I teach him enough?  Will he make friends? Will he be successful?  Will his teacher love him as much as I do?  He's learned so much in the first five years being home.  There are so many life skills we learn before we go to school,  more than just don't eat your boogers and don't pass gas in public.  Home is really where we learn those vital skills like getting along, taking turns, principles of work, cooperation, patience.  It's hard to let go of something you've nurtured and cared for all this time.  I just want to keep him close and savor these few last moments of childhood.

I think one of my  most favorite things in the whole world is seeing a baby's face fresh and clean from a bath.  I love the shine of the cheeks, the eye lashes clumped together in an organic mascara.  I am so grateful I can stay home and enjoy the "little things" in life.  Honestly, I'm having a tear-jerking week and it's only Tuesday.  But I'm trying so hard to meet these challenges with faith and hope and not get bogged down by things out of my control.  Little things I'm grateful for today: --baby giggles --a toilet trained son --my son's smiles, they really do lift my day --the word REMEMBER. I love John Barry's quote:  God gave us memories so that we can have June roses in the December of our lives.  We all hit lows, we can all look back at the time when God has shown his mercy and remember that we are not alone. --Costco pizza, because that's what we're having for dinner tonight and I don't have to cook --compassion, becau...

Once when I was in college, I was at the high tide of a laundry pile and completely desperate for an outfit.  Buried in my drawer, was a pair of hand-me-down off-white corduroy pants, you know the kind with pleats in the front, that would make Kate Moss look obese.  I slid them on, silently praying not to run into the hot guy I had a crush on.  Well, it just so happens, that I did run into him and--get this!--he thought my cords were, ok, are you ready for this?  He thought they were s-e-x-x-y.  At the time, I thought he was kidding, as it was hard to take almost anything he said seriously and eventually I got rid of the pants.  Years later, I was telling my hubby this story and he agreed with the then-crush.  What?  Cords are hot?  Really?  Cuz, like, I don't feel very hot in them.  Maybe it's the extra millimeters of fabric on the my thighs (where I least need bulk) or maybe it's the swishing sound they make when I walk.  Eve...

I was talking to a friend of mine who asked me to give him recommendations for a Valentine's Gift for his girlfriend of a few months. Honestly, I couldn't come up with a single good answer. Flowers die, jewelery is too generic (unless it's a ring with a huge rock on it), chocolate makes her fat. I know what I want, a clean house and not having to do it. Since I'm obviously not the typical romantic girl (I like getting power tools), I decided to compile a list of the cheesiest Valentine's Day gifts you could give. Feel free to use any of these ideas. Lighter fluid and a card that says "Baby, you light my fire." Perfume (It says: I think you stink, you should smell like Paris Hilton instead) Un-mild Salsa (then you can call her hot lips) Matches (for next year, maybe she won't remember the lighter fluid from this year) Music with cheesy love songs: Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You," and "Nothing's Going To Stop Us Now...