For the Criminally Inane

For the Criminally Inane

Monday, January 30, 2012

S.W.A.K. (Sealed With a Kick)

I was talking to a friend of mine who asked me to give him recommendations for a Valentine's Gift for his girlfriend of a few months. Honestly, I couldn't come up with a single good answer. Flowers die, jewelery is too generic (unless it's a ring with a huge rock on it), chocolate makes her fat. I know what I want, a clean house and not having to do it. Since I'm obviously not the typical romantic girl (I like getting power tools), I decided to compile a list of the cheesiest Valentine's Day gifts you could give. Feel free to use any of these ideas.

Lighter fluid and a card that says "Baby, you light my fire."
Perfume (It says: I think you stink, you should smell like Paris Hilton instead)
Un-mild Salsa (then you can call her hot lips)
Matches (for next year, maybe she won't remember the lighter fluid from this year)
Music with cheesy love songs: Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You," and "Nothing's Going To Stop Us Now."
Moth balls (her favorite red CK sweater could get eaten)
Charcoal (to go with the matches and the lighter fluid)
Post-It's with a card that says, "You're stuck with me."

Actually, I'm a terrible gift giver.  I have to really know a person before I could give them a really thoughtful gift.  But I think I really would like some moth balls.

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