Sunday, October 23, 2011

Why girls date jerks

This is such a mystifying question for all of us, but especially to nice guys who stand by while girls go for unworthy men: Why do girls date jerky men? I have few theories. First, girls mistake arrogance for confidence. Jerky guys seem to ooze this self-awareness that nice guys don't tend to have. Bu the problem is, these jerky guys are usually self-centered, large-egoed guys who are looking for someone to fulfill his agenda. Second, bad boys are exciting, unpredictable, intriguing. Girls like a puzzle. If you are too easy to read, it's not a challenge. Third, one reader pointed out that girls like guys that need to be reformed. Blame "Grease" for that. Guess what, most guys aren't going to change for you, honey. Fourth, sometimes the bad boys aren't afraid to make a move, like ask a girl out. While the nice guys debate, hem and haw, the bad guys figure they don't have anything to loose and take a leap. For all their failings, bad guys have guts. You may wish they didn't , but they do. Personally, I've dated a few jerks and nice guys. My money is on the nice guys. They are focused on the girl instead of themselves, which is really what you want in a long term sustainable relationship.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Why nice guys finish last.

A couple guys close to me are on the dating scene, in various stages--from getting dates, to regularly seeing someone to almost engaged. All of them are awesome guys, hard workers, great senses of humor, nice looking--even hot! (I can say that because none of them read this blog--alas, their one blemish!) Yet, they all struggle with one thing: nice-guy-itis. Yup. They are too nice. Wait, is that possible? Too nice? Some girls seem to think so, and I want to figure out why. For me, I like nice guys (I'm married to the supreme nice guy! Thanks for letting me go to London, hubbs!) but when I was dating I had a hard time crushing on one. Why? Nice guys treat you right, they open doors, listen to classical music, love their mothers, so why, why, WHY couldn't I like them? It's because nice guys are nice to everyone. It's hard to know if your crush is just being nice to you, like he is to everyone, or if he's interested. See, if a jerky guy is nice to you, you know he likes you. Plus there's no mystery. Nice guys don't seem to have deep, dark brooding pasts that make them dark and mysterious. Girls like mystery. Or maybe a better word, surprises. I loved it when I found out something cool about a guy I was interested in. I'm not saying all nice guys are boring--ha! Far from it. But the unexpected is exciting, and maybe the nice guys can loosen up a bit.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Can't Write in a Vacuum

I realized something in the last few months while I've been struggling to even have a desire to write. I started my fourth novel and gave it to my hubby to read and he liked it, encouraged me. But then he said, "I think you need to write this one on your own and I'll read it when it's all done." Guess what happened. Yup, my writing stalled out. Like, I don't even have a desire to write. It seems if I don't get immediate pats on the back, I don't have the will to go on. But it's not that my ego needs to be stroked, or I need encouragement after every chapter because I'm a self-conscious writer. It's true, I cannot write in a vacuum. First off, it's very dusty and dirty, and very cramped--ha, ha! Bad joke, I know. But honestly, rarely can people do any kind of great work on their own. I need to bounce ideas off someone, I need someone to ask me probing questions that open up whole areas of character exploration, or understanding or takes my plot on an unexpected and fun ride. I need that. In your creative work, do you have other people help you? Do you just do it on your own? What kind of help do you get?

Monday, October 10, 2011

Life is pain, Highness.

Sorry to steal one of my favorite Princess Bride quotes for the title. I just wanted to talk a little about painful emotions. I remember in high school, every emotion was on one side of the spectrum or the other. The highest highs, the lowest lows. Crush-O-the-Hour said hi to me after class, it's a great day! Crush-O-the-Hour didn't say hi after class, devastation and self-deprecating thoughts clouded the day. In college, that spectrum seemed to even out, still jogging from one side to the other if some guy asked me on a date, (emotional high), but if he asked out some other girl, you guessed it, devastation and but not-so-self-deprecating thoughts--I had grown up a little, see. I remember one break up, definitely the worst break up I had in college, that sent me reeling through the harsh and vivid high school emotions. Don't worry, I know for sure he won't be reading this. Yeah, it was that bad. We're not even friends on facebook, that's how bad it was. Anyway, I won't go through the details of the break up or how it happened, but I will say this: I died that day. A part of my heart shriveled up like a potato left in the pantry for a over a year. I was emotionally sick. Physically hurt. I didn't eat for three days. Well, I probably wandered into the kitchen and picked at something, but I certainly didn't eat any meals. My countenance was awful. If there had been any pictures taken at that time (thankfully there were none), I would've looked like I'd just escaped from out-patient surgery and felt just as bad. Flash forward to present time. I've not had any harrowing experiences since then. Those kind of emotions are for high school dramas and maybe a little in college right? I mean, nothings got me rattled in the last nine and a half years I've had of wedded bliss. Until a few months ago. I had a friend break up. If you don't know what a friend break up is, it's kind of like a boyfriend break up, only it's with a friend instead of a boy. Again, no details of why or how, but all those emotions I thought I'd left behind me in high school or even college, you know the sickening feeling, the flush of heat, the gut-wringing pain, were right back in my face. I thought due to my relatively conflict-free marriage that as I matured, those feelings weren't as intense. But I was wrong. Grief, pain, sorrow, loss, humiliation even weirdly enough, jealousy, all still hurt with the intensity of high school. Does it ever get any less painful to deal with those emotions in this human experience?

Friday, October 7, 2011

What's a romantic gift?

A long time ago in the 90's, I watched a remake of the movie "Father of the Bride." As far as remakes go, it's pretty good. But there was one part that I thought was a little silly. The bride-to-be bursts in the door in tears saying the wedding is off. When the parents dig a little deeper, they find that the groom had bought her a blender. Assuming he meant for her to be all domestic, she goes nuts and calls off the wedding. This is all sorted out of course and there is indeed a happy ending. But that brings to mind a question, what is a romantic gift? Romantic gifts , meaning, what expresses love, are different for each person. I'll have to say, my hubby got me a $300 Vitamix blender for Mother's Day. And we've used it more than all the jewelry he's gotten me. And guess which got him more smooches? That's right the blender. Was it a romantic gift? YES! Why? Because he knew I wanted it. Thoughtfulness, then is the key to romantic gifts. Do you agree?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

What are you passionate about?

You know, I've watched "The Secret," I've read books on how to be successful. They all have a common question: What are you passionate about? I believe where passion meets talent and persistence, you'll have success. But what if your passion is something stupid like playing parlor games or hanging out and talking? My hubby, the brilliant scientist, asks me all the time, what are you passionate about, what makes you the happiest? I wish it was something awesome like my friends who are opening businesses, working a job that saves lives, taking joy in raising a house full of kids and never seeing the bottom of a diaper pail. I came to a realization that I am shallow. I am happiest when I'm organizing spontaneous fun and chilling with people talking about relationships. Pathetic, eh? I'm not sure if that will ever make me successful. I had a lot of fun in college, but that was it. What are you passionate about? What topic gets you talking? What subject never tires you? How did you discover your passion? I want to know!

Third Place from Book Buyer's Best Contest

A sweet romance wins third place Sweet romances can compete and win! I'm super excited for this honor.  I want to tell you, please keep ...