For the Criminally Inane

For the Criminally Inane

Sunday, September 11, 2011

When Friends Leave

This was the summer of the mass exodus of my friends. It's not that I'm not used to saying good-bye to friends. I grew up as an Army Brat so I moved on an average of every two years until I graduated from high school. I liked moving around, meeting new people, the change of scenery, a new adventure, a clean slate. But here's the big difference, this summer, my friends left me. And I hate being left behind. Most of my friends went on to bigger and better things--new jobs, next stage of schooling, new houses--and I'm still here. And here is full of memories of my friends. Church, where most of my friends are, is weird, when I expect to see someone sitting on the pew and they are not. Or the phone rings and I know it's not them, calling to ask a favor to to borrow something. I know the solution is to get out and make new friends. But some friends are irreplaceable. Irreplaceable because we passed through some significant event, like going through a hard time together or going through something joyful together. Those experiences create powerful impressions, impressions that fade into memories. And I try to hold on to those memories but it's as hard for me as holding water in my fist--the harder I grasp, the more the water leaks out my fingers--and out my eyes for some reason. I'm writing this because I don't think I'm always emotionally honest. I think I try really hard not to miss people and pretend I don't. Why? Pride? Don't want to miss them more than they miss me? No, I don't think it's that. I think I don't like getting hurt. I mean, missing people hurts like eating emotional wasabe sauce. But I told the hubbs after a few tears squeezed out of my eyes, if I can't take the pain, I don't deserve the joy.

2 comments:

  1. This is not easy for me either. I make them and they leave. Some I stay close to, but the distance makes it harder. One of my best friends moved one week before my fifth child was born. I still miss her tremendously. That was over three years ago. It is easier to move and make new friends, than staying behind and finding new ones who will move on you. Hang in there Amey and hopefully Heavenly Father will send you a few more souls to love and lighten their burdens before carrying them onward. Maybe that is our calling, to lighten and love so they can carry onward with the work. You will be a happy memory for them at their St. Louis home. - love you

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  2. Thanks Shauna. You totally made me cry. I think some of my best friends I made in college. Glad we still keep in touch.

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