For the Criminally Inane

I was talking to a friend of mine who asked me to give him recommendations for a Valentine's Gift for his girlfriend of a few months. Honestly, I couldn't come up with a single good answer. Flowers die, jewelery is too generic (unless it's a ring with a huge rock on it), chocolate makes her fat. I know what I want, a clean house and not having to do it. Since I'm obviously not the typical romantic girl (I like getting power tools), I decided to compile a list of the cheesiest Valentine's Day gifts you could give. Feel free to use any of these ideas. Lighter fluid and a card that says "Baby, you light my fire." Perfume (It says: I think you stink, you should smell like Paris Hilton instead) Un-mild Salsa (then you can call her hot lips) Matches (for next year, maybe she won't remember the lighter fluid from this year) Music with cheesy love songs: Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You," and "Nothing's Going To Stop Us Now

Since I am 110% sure that none of my single guy friends read this blog, this post will be utterly wasted. But I have to talk about something that not very many guys are aware of. Here is my little nugget of womanly wisdom: Girls want mystery. While they may say they want honesty, forthrightness in a man, what they really wants is to be driven mad playing "He-loves-me, he-loves-me-not" with a daisy. Careful, it's a delicate balance between putting a girl off and inviting her to stay interested. See, most of the guys I know are too cut and dry, black and white. If he likes a girl, he lets her know, obviously, blatantly, and then wonders why she's running away. She can't possibly know at this point whether she even likes him or not, but she's turned off because of potential relationship overload. Instead he needs to entice, intrigue and ignore--yes, I said ignore--not too much, mind you, just enough to keep her interested. Guys, if you can master this, uh,

I've been thinking about the dating relationship again, I think because, as I have mentioned before, I have several friends in the dating stage of life. What a great stage! So full of possibilities, but so many choices. But when it comes to making decisions of whom to marry, it can be daunting. If you are lucky, there are so many good choices out there. Shifting through the better and best choices can be like navigating through Costco on a Saturday afternoon, painful but necessary. There are some obviously bad choices. Those make life easy. I dated a guy who repeatedly called me fat. (In case you don't know I weigh 116 dripping wet--that's pounds not kilos!) That one, I let go without so much as a tear or a sniffle. But I dated some really awesome guys. One had chrome skull gear shifts in his custom souped up Nissan pick up truck he used for "roading" and turning "broadies."* He was a TON of fun!! He listened to Metallica and was reading the

Yes, I'm back from my fabulous holiday abroad. It was an adventure filled with ten other bunkmates in a hostel room complete with a bit of culture clash, Boxing Day shopping, Tube strikes, Wicked, worship at the London Temple, Chunnel to Paris, lunch at Le Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, more shopping. I'll have to say, that after living sixteen months in Europe as a missionary, I had high expectations of being able to share some culture with my sister. I wanted to share food, travel, food, scenery, good food and people. I feel like even ten days was not enough to experience it all, to have an understanding of culture. A taste, yes, understanding no. I also found out that after ten years, my French stinks. My accent is gone and my vocab is so-so. It sufficed for a tourist, but that's all. Living in a country for many months was different than being a tourist. As a tourist, I was able to let my hair down, have fun, make fun memories. I am so grateful for my mission beca